Body Dysmorphia, pt 1
I have to be real here.
When I started this blog – the current version – I was at a pretty good place in my life. I’d conquered a tonne of my depression and anxiety. I’d been able to acquire a wardrobe that I loved and I was willing to learn more about blogging and blog photography. Was I perfect? No, not at all! But I was excited to have this small project and share small brands with the world and maybe meet some new people along the way. And actually, I’m very happy with this blog so far because it’s doing what it was supposed to: getting traffic to let people know about makeup and clothing brands.
So when I decided to get a complimentary Instagram account for the blog, that’s when the trouble started. Off the bat, I used “#fashionblogger” three times so my account was marked as spam, which means that I don’t appear in a lot of searches and I have to go through a weird verification process every time I want to log in. Everyone knows their algorithm sucks and that a little insane, but I could live with it. That slowed down a lot of my marketing and even though I’m not super concerned about follower count, I also am.
Obviously Instagram is a purely visual social networking site. People follow you because your pictures are visually appealing and usually have a theme. I don’t really have a theme and my photos are nothing special and I get that. By itself, I don’t mind it, and then I explore the world of Insta. I see so many beautiful and talented ladies each day and I feel like I’m constantly discovering more and more of them, and it starts to make me think,
Wow, there are so many beautiful girls out there and I’m just… not. It’s different from seeing average-looking people on the streets every day.
But what makes me really feel awful is how someone could be so beautiful that they have thousands of followers and only 3 pictures. They have fan clubs. People draw their pictures. They get tonnes of comments saying, “Gorgeous,” “so pretty,” “beautiful,” and then there’s looking at my account and not seeing any of that at all and wondering, “wow, am I really that ugly?” I can improve my photo backgrounds, my lighting, my poses, and the image quality of what I post – but I can’t change my face.
For those of you who don’t know what body dysmorphia is, it’s a mental illness that distorts someone’s features in his/her own mind and also makes the person obsessive over fixing or hiding those features. I’ve struggled with it a lot growing up, hiding my face under my hair or even under my hands so people couldn’t see me. I couldn’t look in the mirror for several years and would use small mirrors to do my makeup, so I wouldn’t have to see my whole face. It is very much an illness that affects a large part of your life and even though I’ve been doing so well, I feel myself slipping under a world of cutthroat beauty. I don’t like looking in the mirror anymore or even taking pictures. I’ve even cried once or twice looking at them and I just don’t want to go back to letting this dysmorphia affect my life.
I am OK with myself especially since I’m living a life I want to. This year, I’m going to Spain and Japan and I actually have Valentine’s Day plans for this upcoming week. I have a great job and no reason to complain.
But I have to admit that I’m really starting to struggle with my self-image and I decided to write about it because I know I’m definitely not alone.
If you’d like to talk, you can always feel free to email me since blog comments are currently closed. I will definitely post about something more uplifting next week but for now, I just wanted to get this off my chest. Until next week!
I’m Dreaming of a Goth Christmas
It’s after Thanksgiving here in the States which means I can finally talk about what is becoming one of my favourite holidays – Christmas! So this year for my Christmas-themed post, I decided to go with some alternative Christmas decorations, just in time to purchase for the holidays.
The Christmas Tree
So a black Christmas tree with beautifully coloured lights would be so exquisitely goth, and that’s the way a lot of people like to go. However a lighter colour like the traditional forest green would make all your black ornaments seem more visible, but it’s really up to you and your aesthetic! I personally love Christmas lights, coloured or not, so that’s actually my favourite part.
So there are way too many ornaments to list here and it really depends on your taste, but I’m so in love with this Robert Smith ornament by HunkyDoryStudio on Etsy that I might just cave and get it. It’s definitely worth having a look on Etsy and around the web to get the ornaments you love.
I personally find the present wrapping to be one of the most exciting elements but also one of the most challenging. I like to do something unique every year but I also find it can be difficult to wrap in my style without having family glare at the presents as if I didn’t spend money on them to get them something nice! So if you like to tone it down or go all out, here are some wrapping ideas:
Black on black is always a nice way to go but there are other ways to keep it “safe.” A simple black gift bag can be easily dressed up with some tissue paper and unique gift tags, and you can also get away with some classic damask or snowflake wrapping paper in a dark colour scheme. You also have stripes, which I did one year, which are great being alternative but not quite spooky.
If you’re a bit more daring, you can go out a bit more with some of these gift wrapping ideas. How fantastic is that Krampus wrapping paper? How cute are those Jack Skellington ornaments? And how absolutely perfect is that bat wrapping paper? I might buy some just to have! Since the ornaments are small, you can attach them to your bows as a lovely gift topper that’s spooky but still within the realm of the December holiday. Definitely no compromise here; all three ideas are perfectly spooky!
I hope all of you are enjoying the Christmas season and that your gifts look wonderful. Be sure to share pics!
* All images shared with the purpose of advertising. No copyright infringement intended.
This was my first time travelling to a poor country so I didn’t really know what to expect. So many people were saying that Peru is a dangerous place and others said it’s an absolutely beautiful country. I went with no expectations and it was honestly one of the best places I’ve ever visited.
We got to go to Cusco and Machu Picchu of course, as well as Lima, and we took a few excursions with beautiful drives through the countryside. Even though Peruvians live very differently from us Americans, there’s a beauty to how raw everything is, and how everything is unique. It also felt so homey – everyone is incredibly nice and there’s such a great sense of growth that makes you feel like Peru isn’t done yet in its development. A lot of European cities like Paris and Rome are very set in their architectural foundations but in Peru, they’re always building and changing their architectural landscape, respecting the ruins of the past but building upon them. It felt so lively.
I also went with my family and even though they have different travelling styles than I, it was actually a pretty good vacation. I’d like to thank them for being with me and tolerating our differences while abroad. I brought back different opinions, experiences and outlooks on the Peruvian experience but even though I don’t agree with my family, at least I got to bring back those memories from Peru. I think they had a good time, too.
I’m definitely happy to say that I’ve checked off Peru but would return again if given the chance, no questions asked. There’s still a lot I didn’t get to see, a lot of food and activities I didn’t get to try, and a lot of people I didn’t get to meet. I never really had an interest in Spanish but in wanting to talk to Peruvians so badly, I’m going to try to be conversational before I go back. Spanish is quite different from any language I know but hopefully I can stick to my goal and will at least be able to talk about who I am the next time I’m down there.
Alright, so now I’m done travelling and am broke and am back for the holidays, so I hope to return to my regular blogging. Until next week!